5-12-20
The headline to the article was intriguing: “Meat Prices are Expected to Increase-Here’s What You Can Do.”
I mean what were they going to suggest? Something like Swift’s “Modest Proposal”? Should we keep pigs and chickens in our backyard? Master the art of milking goats? What?
By the way, this article appeared in a publication titled: TasteofHome. It was illustrated with a picture of a gigantic display- at least six crowded rows- of raw meat packaged in plastic. Chicken wings, pigs knuckles, chicken thighs, whole hens, ground beef patties. It was arguable propaganda by vegans.
So of course, I had to read the article. I can spend, and I do, hours reading this shit on the internet. After reading it, I noted that the author, a Ms. Emily Hanneman, seemed to have trouble locating her lead sentence and rambled on about social distancing and the difficulty of finding toilet paper. At that point, I didn’t think the girl had it in her to suggest anything untoward such as human sacrifice, but I read on anyway, in spite of her inappropriate use of “we” as a pronoun with no antecedent.
Ms. Hanneman promises to offer guidance to consumers determined to keep meat on the dinner table, but then she abruptly transitions to the ‘reason’ for the meat shortage crisis, whatever it is. But we already know the reason or any simpleton could figure out that the meat packing plants closed because a bunch of employees got sick.
Sure enough, Ms. Hanneman confirms all that within the parameter of three paragraphs. She also adds the fact that meat prices are rising by a minimum of 20%. Which any one who grocery shops already knows. Still, some millennials who only order out may not know that’s why the tab doubled. It certainly wasn’t the price of gas.
What can we do, the author laments? Now, I am finally nearing the part in the article where she offers suggestions, although to me, the most likely solution would be to just stop eating meat. It’s not hard to cook vegetarian as long as you use lots of spices, roots, and herbs. In fact, I’m pretty sure I would eat very little meat if I weren’t married. Most men my age eat a lot of meat.
But I digress. What were Ms. Hanneman’s suggestions?
- Take a deep breath (however, if I take a deep breath wearing a face mask, I could pass out)
- Just wait for it (try telling that to your husband as he gags at a serving of tofu)
- She suggests online butcher shops, a kind of horrifying concept, which triggers PTSD recollections of scenes in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
- Eat meat substitutes, here are 10 examples (yes, they all suck).
So I felt understandably let down, my meat supply problem unsolved. But was it really such a problem?
The men have less meat. That is what it boils down to. Not none, not even a little. Just not as much. When I was kid, my Catholic friends had no meat on Friday. My millennial kid has a social conscience when it comes to meat although she does tend to binge on bacon. But it is a fact that a pound of beef is the equivalent of 2.5 pounds of grain. Society really could feed the world-and stop some inhumane practices against animals-if people even cut down a little on meat consumption.
So no one should be losing their heads over a presumed meat shortage, although we can make like Marie Antoinette and say in austere tones, ‘Let them eat Cheerios.’ Just don’t waste your time reading articles about it. Seriously.
CoronaVirus Stats for 10:35 am in WorldOMeter:
4,292,487 cases (ww)
288,973 deaths (ww)
1,388,283 cases (nw)
82,018 deaths (nw)
40,982 cases (fl)
1735 deaths (f)
415 cases (sc)
11 deaths (sc)
CoronaVirus Blog 2020 